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Monday, 10 November 2014

Intelligence: Ready for return? Yes. Hell yes! You can't imagine the amount of motherfucking yes.

To celebrate my re-integration on VXace.net and give them more alleged "dope" games, I am-- and have been for two straight days already, fixing up Intel 1.1.9 to the newest slew of graphics, better sound effects, audio and performance, and finally some tuning changes and a bit of writing rework. Overall, most of that is already done, all that remains is updating Hellcat's art (which means actually doing some from-scratch art instead of stapling old shit together), fixing up a few event graphics with Blu, giving the spell "Angel of Death" an icon, and fixing bugs, hunting down bugs again, and fixing those bugs too.

But for now, I'm gonna sleep. Two days of all work (enjoyable as it is) is taxing on one's brain, even one with a brain as superb and creative as mine! I'm going to therefore refresh, get my shit together, and release this game on the 13th of November this year. That's only two days from now.

11/13/14...

There again I go with 3/14, except instead of being 03/14/yr this time, it's da/y3/14.

There's no method to my madness, only madness to my methods... in fact I invented that release date just now, and it is an AWESOME release date, not only because I can yet again use 314 in a date, but because at 6PM that same day (my time) I'll be gone... for you see the lusty maiden of a game will be calling for me with its alluring new swansong. I cannot just neglect that teasing skank, she has my money and my credit card details and also definitely my love and interest.

In case that insufferable and obnoxious poetry was too much for you to decode, I'm speaking of World of Warcraft, its Warlords of Draenor expansion launches on 11/13/14, so while I drop this game hot off the presses mere minutes before this titan falls, I'll then be quickly absolved by that exact titan, and will check out the slews of feedback over on vxace.net when I return.

I'll be a while, but that shouldn't matter, as a lot of feedback will likely be delayed due to this game having its prongs in everyone's minds. That's fine, I'll check the thread at least once every 12 hours or so for game-breaking bug reports, and other bug reports. I'll fix those since those people who are wise enough not to be ensnared by the throes of this woeful self-sabotage-inducing monstergame may want to actually play my game beyond the breakpoint. I will respect that, in fact if some fucker is loyal to that degree, I am downright HONORED to devote to that dude.

The kid gloves are coming off, now... not just off in a smug catwomen way where you just remove them like some half-breed of badass. I'm talking they are downright shooting off, on rockets of nitro-imaginatrine. Those velvet feelers jetted off and crashed through the kitchen window, glass is everywhere, Mother will ask what happened, and I will say the only true answer: 'I materialized imaginary fuel'. I go to raise my hand up as if to give a lecture about it like some pompous sensei elder-sage, but then realize I didn't have much else to say on that and just sort of stutter a little before turning back around to the window in defeat, then I start perspiring again because I realized that there's still glass all over the fucking floor and a good chance moving one inch might mean an annoying piece of glass in my bare foot.

While I'm cleaning up the pieces, feel free to salivate on the idea of a fresh build of Intelligence, boasting the same hideous palette that you got through the first time, but with a bunch of new shit, updated art, planets that don't look like they were generated in Gimp sphere designer and a slew of other shit I have already forgotten about.

One big thing though, is that you'll have access to what is there of the toted "Content Patch 1.2", this includes the Skybridge assault, which to this day no lucky fella has had a chance to try out; and I keep linking that video and showing it off like the unbelievable tease I am, whilst selfishly hogging it and its secrets all to myself like some scaly old dragon with his hoard of princesses, gold, gems and half-digested farmer hats.

Well that selfish dragon is getting some lawyers together and having a tea party with Hitler in his bachelor pad down there in hell, because by my good graces his treasure will soon be your treasure, too. I like to think i'm a pretty generous guy! Unlike that shitty whore of a dragon.

As for Menagerie, it'll resume progress on about the 21st of November (that's the hope for now, anyway!), leaving just over a month to get it rolling.

I suppose now I should unveil that Menagerie:Remastered does have a planned release date... I talked about this somewhat during the grand reveal, but it was an earlier time then, and I still won't release it if it isn't ready by it's time. So far and until this day all you have gotten is 'coming soon' and some sketchy dates that meant practically nothing, so given I'm only resuming on the 21st of THIS month and said there's just over a month until the planned time, that leaves us with the release date below, though if you're clever, you'll have figured it out already.

12/23/14

So, why this day?

Well it has both 12 and 3/14 in it, it also is two days before Christmas, you know...? that thing people celebrate about a big red jolly fatman who hands out gifts like Opera Winfrey?

Holy shit do those two have a lot in common.

Well, having a two day breakpoint will be beneficial to most, for me, it'll give me at least a week to enjoy Christmas and get all that shit sorted out, get my University confirmation and all that palooka, it'll also mean people who want to play it at release can do so without cutting into valuable Christmas time.

It'll also make it like a sort of christmas gift. Which I guess is cool? Yes, I'll let that land on "cool" for now, speaking of now, and what I'm going to do the right of now... I'm going to shatter this hypothetical glassy mess illusion metaphor-thing, turn my PC off, and rock my hurt butt off to sleep.

I'm not actually butthurt in the typical sense, my butt is literally aching from sitting in my chair for near two straight days. Straight being the choice 'irony' word here.

Fare thee well distant nerds, I am become Banan', yellow-cored bentman of butt-hurted.

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