Before I go and get all to talking about different things, let's take a quick look at what I have done.
-Power Ups now usable Items.
-No more lag when several enemies are on screen.
-Other Shit I forget.
First let's begin by clearing the facts out of the way.
TAFE will begin on July 13th, and I will be taking to it with Gusto, so forget about me beyond that point unless you have me on skype. It is a full time course, but I am determined to do it, I should emerge an even more capable developer, that's the hope, anyway!
So, now I wanna talk about something else, this largely concerns my family, and should they read it, will have to understand that I am still entirely on the fence about everything, just be aware that your little Biz ain't so little anymore, and be it impetuous or not, I'll be taking charge of my Destiny a lot more, regardless of your permission, your only options are to either accept me or detest what I may become. I will care, but in the words of Nola Worthington, some things are more important.
It's always a bit of a worrying thing, losing the respect of those I'm so close too, even though my Stepdad has only been around a year, it feels like he's been there my whole life, and he's made a very positive impact on the family, I wish him no ill-will with what I'll be stating here, only hoping that he won't get too worried about things, so to that end, let's first clarify something.
I'm not turning gay, I suspect this is at least half the reason my more feminine qualities have been met with at the most, some form of worry, ya silly bigot cunts. :P
No, even should I by some odd stroke of fate magically turn into a woman, I'm still going to be into women, I'll be a lesbian before I'm a guy-lover, alright? We good? I think we good!
So that will indeed pry the crispy exoskeleton holding in what I've been trying to say, and I repeat, this is only something I'm entertaining the thought of right now... but I might just feel like I'm supposed to be a woman?
Like not in the sincerest way, it's more or less a fantasy, I suppose. I've always felt I've connected better with Women, my circles of friends in life, however brief, only go to somewhat confirm this. While this is aimed towards my family, it also will serve to illustrate to some of my friends what was... probably at least somewhat speculated anyway. I've already told a lot of you, and I suppose this wall is a way of being more... modestly public about it.
Now, it's very likely I won't go for an operation, or even start taking hormones, it may be rigidly unadvised due to my medications regardless. I'm okay with that, because let's face it...
Several of my friends have said I could easily pass as a girl. If I take any steps further, it'll be a name change at most. I already look outrageously feminine even in more masculine clothes, Myers certainly confirmed that.
There's a lot I don't know about the transgender world, and personally I'm very weak boned, in juxtaposition with my will which may as well be stronk wrought in reinforced stubborn.
But there's nothing to be taken lightly about such a transformation, and it's likely I won't purely because I think being able to play parts of both male and female is an incredible power, possibly too much power for one person. Should I abuse this power Bugs Bunny style, let's just say I'm probably going to fair better than most.
So... this is on the Crazy Chimp Development Blog, why?
Because it's a development, duh!?
No, let's be serious, I could have easily posted this on my other blog, you know, that fucking thing. But I'd rather not, first because that blog well reflects what a mean-spirited cunt I used to be (and still can be from time to time), second because even as infertile as this blog is, it's more likely to be read by people who matter than... yeah.
So, I'm sure one of the inevitable questions are, how will this effect you?
For the most part, it won't. Unless you live with me, my games will remain amazing, my vernacular will not change, and my feminine photos will basically just be about on average as the usual you're used to. My fantasy of being a woman is a very casual one, in fact the last thing on my mind would be to at all sexualize it. Guess I'm just jealous of breasts, somehow. :0
I think I see women and the way they are shaped as something I'd like to be shaped like, also the outfits they can wear are sometimes super awesome. There's also the-- as my bro calls it, "Breeze factor", this can be emulated somewhat with long jackets or trenchcoats, but there's something very magical about wearing a dress and feeling the wind flap it around your gams.
That's more or less the attraction in the most obtuse way of getting it. It's not something I can truly explain, nor am I really at liberty to explain. Social prejudice has certainly dampened as time has passed, had this been even the 90's I'd have been far less keen to post something like this.
I think some of us have certainly taken the heightened tolerance towards oddity for granted, and the internet never ceases to amaze with how tolerant some of its peoples are. I think a lot of what makes places like Tumblr and the like so thoroughly despised is that for their occupation, people who use their "oddities" as a privilege or as some sort of justification for entirely unrelated actions become representatives for the rest of that ken who'd rather just be accepted and say nothing more on it. I for one would never seek to use my oddities as a means of justifying anything in a non-satirical sense, when I talked about abusing these powers, that isn't what I at all meant. Some of the so-called "privilege-fags" almost see their life choices that they willingly took as some sort of thing others should be sensitive of, in reality, no-- that was your choice, I'll accept it, but hell no you ain't being pardoned from judgement of an entirely unrelated basis just because you're a dovahkin or whatever.
You don't get to choose if you're white or black, or if you're gay or not, so for those people, being a little less crass to them when such a basis is involuntary is more than understandable, same goes for being a woman, since until pretty recently, Women were very disadvantaged in the social world and business world in comparison to men, and there's a large distinction between what can be done and what would be done.
In most western countries (The south US doesn't count) Women are getting close to if not already equal to men in rights now, in the matter of legal affairs, business and the like. That's the best we can ask for, I think. There are ALWAYS going to be men who are misogynistic pigs, it's shitty that such a case is so, but it remains as something no amount of protesting will be able to fix.
Just like there are always going to be extremists in groups, that's just the world we live in, the ideal is to simply ignore these people, unless they have a respectable chance of endangering our way of life, then you protest in return.
Law is something that can and will be changed with enough pressure, Human nature is not, ideally, changing the laws will definitely guide some to be more tolerant regardless. I myself was once a very self-righteous person, insisting I was the only human being with any sense, but in that same vein I was representing well the exact objects I'd so fiercely loathed, upon realizing this, I changed... a lot.
My blog posts on that other thing are a good showing of the past self I've left behind, nowadays I am fully aware it isn't my right to assume I know anything about Humanity, and instead of worrying about it, I'll just do my best to live out my life as awesomely as I can. If all of Humanity's problems were so easy to solve, I think we'd have taken steps towards that effect, but there's no "easy way" or "simple answer" to growing Humanity, and where once I really did want us to grow, now I could care less, as my Life slowly but surely grows nearer to absolution, it'd be more ideal to concern myself with me rather than worrying about the problems of everybody else.